Life is full and busy but I’ve never been very good at sitting still.
The thing is, 5 years ago I nearly lost everything—my home, my family and my life.
And I just can’t wait for life to happen to me. I made a promise to myself when I was lying in that hospital bed that I would never take another day for granted, that I would live life to the full.
It’s what has kept me sane these past few years.
Unfortunately, though, grief has a funny way of weaving knots inside you. At the same time, grief has kept me from moving on and moving into my best life.
The grief over losing a much wanted baby can cripple you but add to that the grief over a partner imploding, a family disintegrating and that can break you.
I love my family, more than words can ever say but many of the changes that have taken place for me over the past few years have left them feeling at a loss and vulnerable.
I’ve felt a lot of guilt over it, maybe unnecessarily. So, I punished my body with food. I didn’t want to feel attractive. I didn’t want to feel vibrant. My body reflected the turmoil going on in my head.
But now I’ve taken back the reins and reclaimed my body and it feels amazing. I realized that I had been using food to keep me trapped in a body I hated (maybe because, deep down, I felt that my body killed my baby).
These past 6 weeks I’ve been hitting the gym regularly and feeling amazing from the adrenalin rush but I’ve struggled with food, until this week.
It was like a light bulb went off in my head. In fact, it was spurred by a conversation with a friend just last week. I’m not really sure what it was, but somewhere, in between the lines, I felt a switch flick… like I was suddenly alive, beautiful, and worthy of feeling and looking frickin’ awesome.
Whatever it was that caused that switch to flick has given me fresh motivation to reclaim my body and my life. I want to dance, sing and play guitar. I want to take every day and live it fully and I want to do so feeling fantastic on the inside and out.
I still lack body confidence but know that will grow over time (Rome wasn’t built in a day). We can waste so much time looking at ourselves with foggy lenses but when you look at yourself through the eyes of someone else, the picture can be vastly different.
What’s holding you back from being your best version of yourself?