Akemi and Riana moments after birth

I met Akemi only a week before she gave birth but her birth was one of the most transformative births I have attended as a doula. Here’s her story from my perspective as her doula.

In the wee hours of New Year’s Day, I got the call that Akemi was in labour. So, at 3am I jumped out of bed and drove down to the Gold Coast.

When I arrived Akemi was having regular, mild contractions about 10 minutes apart. So I suggested she get some rest.

Later in the morning we went for a long walk on the beach which helped to bring on stronger rushes. It was also a great opportunity to talk and connect, as I hadn’t had the usual few months to get to know Akemi.

The space between each rush seemed to be getting closer together, so we headed back to the apartment.

After another lie down and massage, we hit the stairs. Stairs are great when you’re on the cusp of active labour. The movement in your hips jiggles the baby and brings on stronger contractions that open up the cervix.

We used a sarong as a rebozo because of the heat that day

Around lunchtime, the intensity picked up and Akemi was needing to concentrate and breathe through the rushes. I did some rebozo work with her as I had a feeling the baby was a little posterior (she was getting a lot of back pain and her belly button was suppressed). The movement helped ease the intensity too.

Within a couple of hours, the rushes were about 3-4 minutes apart, so we talked about when they might like to go in to the hospital and we all agreed that things were moving along a great pace and that it would be okay to go in.

The birth unit was by the ocean with pictures of dolphins and coral reefs on sea green walls.

With the music Akemi had brought with her it was a calm and tranquil setting for her labour.

My hunch about the baby’s position was confirmed by the midwife so we continued to keep Akemi active throughout the labor using the rebozo, dancing, shimmying and various different positions to encourage baby to turn into the optimal position. Akemi’s labor never halted though and she continued to make good progress.

At about 10pm it seemed that Akemi was hitting that transitional stage but she didn’t yet sound pushy. It stayed like that for a while and I wondered if maybe there was a bit of a cervical lip in the way. A bit later, at the midwife’s suggestion, she agreed to a pelvic exam and the midwife said that there was, in fact, a bit of cervix still to get out of the way of the baby’s head. So we laid her on her side to ease the pressure on her cervix (so it could fully dilate without becoming swollen).

About midnight, Akemi was getting a strong urge to push so we moved her around and got her dancing and lunging and using every position under the sun to open up her pelvis to maximum capacity.

The descent of a baby’s head can take time. In Akemi’s case, it was slow going but with each urge to push, her baby’s head moved just that little bit further down. She did have a small issue with her bladder. The baby’s head was in the way so with a little help, that pressure was relieved and we could see more and more of the baby’s head.

Now I need to tell you what was happening in the room at this point. Akemi was on the bed with her legs up around her ears. I know, doesn’t sound like a very appealing position for birth but, in this case, it was what she needed. Her baby was still posterior and on rare occasions with a posterior presentation this beetle position works really well. She was definitely making better progress this way than she was in other positions.

Meanwhile, the obstetric registrar had waltzed in and demanded that something had to be done to get the baby out because Akemi had been pushing for a long time (2 hours by that time). The registrar, a woman, said she would have to do an episiotomy (didn’t ask, just stated it as fact) saying to Akemi “You’re definitely going to tear.” Then she kept going on and on about how Akemi’s last doctor has done a caesarean section because Akemi was too small to give birth and that she may need to push the baby back up the birth canal and do a caesarean section.

Now, Akemi is Japanese and by this stage in labour her brain had completely shut down to English, so, fortunately for her, she didn’t understand much of what the registrar was saying. I loved it when her husband, Craig, would talk to her in Japanese in between the registrar’s rantings. I had no idea what he was saying. He could well have been saying: “this stupid woman wants to cut you again. I’ll just tell her where to go,” or he could have been saying “You’re doing great honey. I’ll get you a cup of tea when this is all over.” In any case, after each translation, he turned to the registrar, smiled and said “no thank you, not now.”

At one point, Akemi, who had not complained once during her entire labour, looked at me and said, “Can you still see my baby’s head?” I smiled and said, “Yes, of course, She’s right there. She’s not going back in. I still believe you can do this Akemi.” The change on her face showed steely resolve. It was like she’d gotten the second (third, fourth, fifth) wind she needed to birth her baby.

The registrar, thinking that either an assisted birth or caesarean section was going to happen, had called in her obstetric consultant (her boss) and was still talking over Akemi like she was a foolish child when the consultant walked in. The consultant, a lovely, warm woman with a beautiful Indian lilt to her voice, took one look and saw what we all saw, the baby’s head crowning. She said “Oh, you’re gonna push that baby out” and within two pushes, at about 2am January 2^nd, little Riana joined her mother earthside.

The registrar was mercifully speechless.

A tired but happy crew after the birth of Riana! In this photo: Akemi's daughter Mia, Akemi, Riana and me!

Akemi’s experience was transformative for her but also for me as a doula. I never doubted she could give birth normally but what struck me was that, during her long labor and long second stage, she never doubted it either. Most women who come to me for support with a vaginal birth after caesarean section (VBAC) spend a lot of time and energy doubting themselves and overcoming the negativity that is thrown their way during pregnancy and birth. Most of these women need a massive dose of confidence. Once women believe in themselves, they birth easily, even if the birth is not straightforward, even if they are the size of my 12 year old with a 6ft tall partner. Akemi is testament to that.

Recent research by the Queensland Centre for Mother’s and Babies shows that most women have a caesarean section because they’ve been advised to by their doctor. The research also shows that only around half of the women having planned caesarean sections are fully informed before agreeing to the procedure. In Akemi’s case this was certainly true. She had her first caesarean because her doctor had told her she had to (because she was very small and her husband very tall). After that, she’d had trouble with breastfeeding and starting researching and reading about birth. That lead her to question the reason for her initial caesarean section and she choose to have a VBAC for her second baby.

I’d like to thank Akemi and Craig for allowing me to share their story from my perspective. I visited them last week and all are doing well.

ps: Catch the radio interview I did on this issue last week on ABC AM (Radio National) here: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-01-19/queensland-mums-uninformed-about-caesareans/3781916

So, you can imagine my joy at finding The Ultimate Parenting Course. Now, before I say anything else, I will say that I have become an affiliate of this course. Here’s why. Anybody who knows me, knows that I am quite passionate about parenting and will quickly tell you when I think a parenting resource is unhelpful, which many of them are.

What I love about this course, other than the incredible content and the calibre of the contributors is that it is easy. There are no huge books filled with lots of boring, hard to understand or flowery text. Simply download the videos and make notes in the workbook which accompanies each video so you can easily retain and apply the wisdom from each session. The course runs over four weeks and you can view each video in your own time, when it suits you, from the comfort of your own home.

Content

There are eight essential  themes in the Ultimate Parenting Course:

1. Identity
2. Co-parenting
3. Attachment
4. Individuation
5. sleep
6. Feeding your children
7. Conflit and
8. Community

Description from the Ultimate Parenting Course website: “Each theme contains a video (about 30 minutes each, so not too long) with a compilation of interviews from parenting experts answering questions pertaining to the theme, giving you solutions and a context for the challenges you face. The Ultimate Parenting Course Handbook contains written contributions from additional experts, plus bullet points and action exercises based on the interviews to help you integrate the material.”

The content in this course is in alignment with current research on the harmful effects of outdated parenting solutions often talked about in the mainstream media. After working with this course you will feel validated and empowered to parent in a way that resonates with you.

Having learned the hard way about why it’s important to parent with connection and empathy, I highly recommend this book as a resource for all soon-to-be and new parents as well as parents who have been on the journey for a while and need some encouragement and new insights to guide their parenting. Find out more about this fabulous resource here!

But why? Why do women compare their needs to everyone elses and go, ‘well I’m just going to tough it out.’ Such stoicism isn’t going to help. Some of the women I’ve assisted in the past couple of years have almost been apologetic for calling me out to help them. And then, when I listen to some of the stuff they’re dealing with, I can see they needed a life line (not literally… but maybe in some cases). My message is this: Don’t wait until life implodes. If you are struggling now when things are relatively normal, what tank are you going to draw from when things get hard?

Last summer, things got really hard for some of the women I know. One of those women came on our last Mum’s retreat. One of the things I’ve noticed is how the other women who went on that retreat have surrounded her with support and love ever since. A retreat may be just one weekend but it can be life-changing, especially if you’re feeling isolated or overwhelmed with daily life. Next year, we’ve moved our retreat to The Outlook in Boonah. It is a beautiful, purpose-built retreat venue in the heart of South East Queensland’s scenic rim, just one hour’s drive from Brisbane. I invite you to come along and fill up your emotional tank. You’ll be amazed at how much one weekend can transform your life, your friendships and your ability to cope when things get hard.

Yum! My pineapple, apple, banana, mango and coconut cream smoothie saves the day!

We have just returned home from an amazing trip to the Whitsunday Islands and Great Barrier Reef! Travel is always a great teacher but this time it seemed particularly so. One of the biggest things I’ve been pondering lately is my seeming inability to shift the extra 20 kgs I’ve gained these past couple of years and how certain foods make me feel so ill.

When you’re camping, it seems easy to just get takeaway, especially when you’re doing long stretches. However, on our way home, after eating takeaway all day, I felt physically sick and emotionally fragile. The next day I made an effort to eat healthier food and insisted we stop an extra day somewhere so I could have time to make real food for dinner. On the last stretch home, I decided that enough was enough. I had to make a change. So, on Saturday I started by eliminating gluten from my diet.

That first day was hard because I kept wanting to reach for the bread whenever the hunger pangs hit and I also had to go and cook for a client which made me even hungrier! The second day was truly awful. I woke up with a migraine and couldn’t stand up without feeling really really sick. I made a smoothie in the morning and that got me through the day. Today was better. I felt a little ill but nothing some great food couldn’t fix. I’m not sure if gluten is the culprit but to make a small change that is achievable seems like a great first step. It is certainly making me eat better. I had scrambled eggs with mushrooms and spinach for breaky this morning and am sipping on my pineapple, apple, banana and mango smoothie as I type. Some of my friends have commented that I should get rid of dairy too but I don’t want to do too much at once, because if it all seems too hard, I’ll just give up.

I don’t know why it took me so long to make this change but it is easy to get caught up in what seems convenient at the time but really isn’t. As mums we’re so busy looking after everybody else, that it’s easy to neglect ourselves. So, i thought it would help to diarise my food journey here on the blog. If you’ve recently made a change in your diet or want to, how about you comment below and we can all support each other! I’ll do an update next week!

Lately I’ve been reading the book Enchantment by Guy Kawasaki. Guy is a former Apple evangelist, an entrepreneur and social media wizz who primarily writes about engaging with people.

The biggest take-away for me thus far is simply to follow your inspiration. If you do what inspires you, your passion will ignite a flame that cannot help but enchant people.

Last night, at the first ever Business with Heart networking event, 24 business and community leaders started a movement. It was truly one of the most inspiring and uplifting events I’ve ever been to. Business with Heart is a concept to bring together businesses and community groups with a passion for growing sustainable, healthy, abundant and caring communities.

Last night was an opportunity to discuss how we can support each other in achieving these aims.

Key Take-aways:

• Rachel Nolan talked about how change needs to happen from the ground up, how traditional ideas of the government fixing things for the people need to be reconsidered.

• At the moment, the Queensland government does not have any programs set up to support social enterprises that are not non-profit organisations or charities. However, Emma-Kate Rose pointed out that in the UK, the government there recognizes and has a whole funding stream for social enterprise.

• Emma-Kate Rose said that local councils have the power to create funding streams for social enterprise.

• By buying local you increase a community’s economic and social wellbeing ten-fold.

• Fourthchild’s chef Amanda Robertson is amazing and brilliant.

• There are at least 24 businesses with heart that were all about exploring how they can ignite social change. There wasn’t one sales pitch last night but there was definitely a lot of meaningful card exchanging going on. Fantastic!

A massive thank you to Hon Rachel Nolan, Minister for Finance, Natural Resources and The Arts and Emma-Kate Rose, General Manager of Food Connect. Words cannot describe how enchanting you both were.  Also a HUGE thank you to Amanda Robertson and her team at Fourthchild. Amanda designed a menu which fit right into the theme of the evening with organic ethically farmed chicken and locally grown fresh produce, plus a gluten and dairy free dessert to die for. Also, a big thank you for the event’s sponsors for the evening: Ipswich Women in Business and our event angels who sponsored individuals to attend: Philippa Scott from Neways in Townsville (a million miles away!!!) and Jenny McFarland from Yoga for 2, who couldn’t attend herself because she was teaching pregnancy yoga classes across the road. Lastly, a big thank you to all the businesses that felt inspired to attend last night.

If you would like to host a Business with Heart event in your area, I encourage you to do so.  This movement now has wings. Follow your inspiration and great things will happen for your business and your community. For more information, contact me at cas@mumatopia.com or join our Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/businesswthheart.

1. Cooking Fairy: Family Meal Preparation $200 for 3 family meals, 4 servings each, prepared in your own home. Groceries supplied by us so all you have to do is sit back and enjoy.

2. Conceirge Fairy: Personal assistance with errands, grocery shopping, sourcing  and buying products on your behalf $50 per hour. (Package deal: $200 for 5 hours)

3. Cleaning Fairy: Light house-keeping: ironing, hanging up washing, washing dishes, sweeping floors etc. $30 per hour

4. Personal Chef: Fresh family meals prepared off-site and delivered to your door (within Brisbane area only) by chef Leith James $250 for four family meals (four serves each).

Christmas Special:

Buy your mum a Christmas package with a difference: A gift certificate for the ultimate Mumma Nurture Package:

• 1 X 1 hour aromatherapy massage in your own home
• A cooking fairy package
• A two hour cleaning fairy package

for just $300. What a thoughtful and original gift for mums!*

*conditions apply. Recipient must live in the greater Brisbane or Ipswich area.

We would love to nurture you in the New Year. For further information or to book any of these services simply phone Cas on 0438 898 706.

My Letter

I have just come home from an initial consult with a woman who wants a homebirth after a prior caesarean section. She said that she cannot find a midwife to support her and she doesn’t want to free-birth. That leaves her the choice of going to hospital to then face the barrage of doubters and doomsayers who will put pressure on her to adhere to their policies, many of which are not evidence-based, which are geared to subtly lead to her next caesarean section.

In the nine years since I first became a consumer advocate, I have not felt more disgusted with our birthcare system than I do now. I am appalled that a woman cannot access proper and appropriate care in a country with first world healthcare facilities. Why is it women in Ubud, Bali get better birthcare than women in Sydney, Brisbane and Perth? Affluent Western women are enslaved in a system which takes away their freedoms, and subjects them to unnecessary interventions.

We supposedly live in a free society but the very act of bringing a life into this world is subject to the whim of politicians and powerbrokers. It is shameful that educated and powerful women are treated like little children when it comes to giving birth. I recently attended a birth where the woman was patronized about her birth preferences: “just so long as you are sensible. At the end of the day we want a healthy baby…” (like that’s the last thing on her mind???) and held in an assessment room until she “complied” with having a vaginal examination (something she was incredibly reluctant to do because of a traumatic experience in a previous pregnancy).

Women put themselves last in the birthroom. They can be made to feel like they are the poor cousins visiting the luxury mansion of distant relatives. The message is loud and clear: “This is our turf. Don’t even think about running a bath without our say so, but you are more than welcome to partake of our smorgasbord of interventions that may or may not be evidence-based.” Most midwives seem to spend the vast majority of their time doing paperwork and don’t even try to connect with the birthing woman. Some may think this sounds harsh but when you understand what makes it easy for a woman to birth, it seems like nothing short of abuse.

In a first world country where women have equal rights, they must be entitled to bodily autonomy and they must have access to a trained and qualified healthcare provider of their choice regardless of where they choose to give birth. To take this choice away is taking away their freedom and is sending a message to all women that they are no more than chattel, no better than cattle. Is that the sort of world we want for our daughters, nieces and grand-daughters?

Yours sincerely,

Cas McCullough

Director, Mumatopia

Birth and Postnatal Doula

Co-founder Caesarean Awareness Network Australia

Past President of Maternity Coalition

Past Editor Birth Matters Journal

VBA2C mum of three

As I sat there listening, I could tell that this was a person who was in pain.He was talking about changing his life but I’m not sure he believed it. I started to get a picture of this man inspiring others with his story and could see him standing in front of a large group, sharing his journey. So, before I left, I shared this with him. It was such a strong image, I had no doubt that it was a forecast of things to come for him. When I told him that one day he would inspire others to turn their lives around, he was kinda shocked. He said, “Well that’s a positive thing to say.” I turned around and said, “I am certain this will happen for you. I can see it.”

I’ve learned this amazing thing about faith in the past few months. We often sell ourselves short and don’t allow ourselves to think that we can achieve things beyond our wildest dreams. We put our dreams on the “one day, maybe” shelf, instead of seeing them as real, as not only possible but definite. Faith is not just believing in something greater than ourselves but it is also about seeing what we want happening in our minds’ eye. I believe this is how miracles happen, because people don’t just believe something’s possible, they see it as though it has already happened!

Tonight, I walked out of the gym feeling a little humbler and a little more grateful for the wonderful life I’ve been blessed with. I thank God for every day and every opportunity. Do you see the reality of your own dreams or are they still on that “one day, maybe” shelf?

One of the reasons I started Mumatopia as a social enterprise was because I can see the wisdom behind the saying “gentle birth heals mother earth” (coined by humanitarian and midwife Robin Lim from Gentle Birth Bali). My birth experiences and my experience of losing a much wanted baby and nearly losing my life in the process, have taught me how gentle beginnings can nurture a mother’s love for her baby, can create a sense of empathy and patience and a strong sense of empowerment.

Reflecting on my own experiences of birth, I know that I bonded more easily with my lastborn child. The love I feel for all of my children is profound and I don’t love one any more than the other, but I do feel I developed an easier connection with my lastborn child after his birth. There was no hyper vigilance like I experienced with my first two babies (both born by caesarean).

The experience of natural childbirth gave me a sense of my own strength and a passion for protecting and advocating for my children. It started the process of questioning everything that has led to dramatic philosophical and life changes. We have adopted a more sustainable lifestyle as a result.

Supporting other women to have beautiful births has also confirmed for me how a gentle experience of childbirth and an undisturbed physiological third stage can ease a mother and her partner into love with their baby. If this process is disturbed it is certainly not impossible to replicate this but it just takes a bit more effort. I can’t explain it but having seen it, I can see what a gift it is to have an undisturbed birth and early bonding experience. To be able to facilitate that is one of the massive perks of my job.

Everything I do under the banner of Mumatopia, whether it be supporting birthing women, running a retreat or making handmade products, is done with a view to promoting a more sustainable, healthier, more abundant and more caring community.

I want to change the world. It’s not such a big thing to ask is it? My own childhood has taught me how cruel people can be. If supporting women to have empowered births leads towards a kinder, gentler earth than I feel I am meeting my goal.

Ps: If you have a business or social venture and you’d like to connect and discuss how we can work together, you’re invited to come along to Business with Heart, a networking dinner featuring guest speakers Hon Rachel Nolan MP, Minister for Finance, Natural Resources and The Arts and Emma-Kate Rose, General Manager of Food Connect. Details: mumatopia.com/community/bwh.

“Why do I want to win a week of mumatopia? You know I always thought I already lived in Mumatopia. My life co-exists around 6 little extraterrestrials, or E.T’s as I affectionately call them. My mumatopia (although not the dream version) is a world of bed-wetting, sibling rivalry, an army style procession for breakfasts and other meals, E.T like functions and antics, yes including the finger message, having no idea what the top 40 is (always thought it was how many green bottles are on the wall), bedtime battles and sleepless nights (although I’m beginning to wonder what a “night” actually is). For this I’m rewarded with cuddles and slobber kisses–love them, and gorgeous little collages of me with insanely long fingers. I always believed “Mumatopia” was the life us mothers had, how we devote our entire being, soul and life to those little E.T’s. It seems I’ve forgotten that Topia is an ideal dream place. A cleaning fairy?!! Gosh! I always thought that was me! Aromatherapy? Isn’t that the smell of baby wipes? I’m delusional I think. So why do I want to win? Well I guess I need to, so I can be reminded of the wonderful blissful things of an ideal MumaTopia.”

Congratulations Rachel! You have won a week of Mumatopia. Each of us will be in touch with you soon to arrange your prizes. I’d like to thank Leith, Julie and Anna for contributing such wonderful prizes to this competition and for helping to choose a winner. To everyone who entered, thank you! As you all went to the effort, I am offering a $50 off voucher for any of my postnatal, birth or Mumma Nurture services to each entrant. Please contact me for details.

Have a great weekend! … Cas.