Fear has no place in your home or work-life. If you are fearful, then this needs to be explored. What’s your intuition telling you? On one of my podcast shows I interviewed life coach Annie Huang who explained the difference between intuition and paranoia. Paranoia makes you feel nervous and agitated. It incites fear. Intuition makes you feel calm. It’s a quiet knowing rather than a feeling of rising panic.
If you feel fearful in a relationship, then it’s important to explore and get to the heart of why. It may be that you feel unable to speak up and voice your opinions. It may be that your partner is being controlling and manipulative. It may be that he or she is prone to flying into a plate-smashing rage when upset. It may be that your boss (or client) is sexually harassing you. What’s causing your fear may be as small as a comment that makes you feel uncomfortable to as a big as unwanted physical touching, or the bruises on your arm after your partner grabbed you a little too hard in a fight.
Whatever your point of fear (and it could be all of these or none of these), it’s important to check in with yourself and ask yourself honestly if you feel safe. If you don’t, and you don’t think you can create a safe space with what you have before you, then it may be time to take a different course of action.
Talk to your close friends about what is going on. Talk to a counsellor. Seek help, and if need be, get yourself and your children out of there. I didn’t speak up about what was going on in my home until just a few months before I ended things. I had been blaming myself and felt too ashamed to share. Now that I’m on my own, it’s hard to believe it took me so long to leave.
One thing I will say is that you can get used to how things are, but that doesn’t mean that it’s okay.
Despite what happened in our relationship, my ex and I now get along reasonably well. We can communicate and co-parent, he has a better relationship with his boys, but it’s taken a lot of work and counselling, and at times, it’s still difficult and triggering for us both.
It’s not an easy path to take when you decide to end a job, a relationship or seek help for a child or another loved one, but it is definitely worth it. Just make sure you get good advice on how to proceed. Safety is important at all stages of the process.
Women who’ve come out of domestic violence find it hard to speak up themselves because there are always repercussions, if not for them, for their kids. If you know someone who is in a toxic or abusive relationship, I’ve written this song to raise awareness about this issue. This isn’t my story, in case you’re wondering, but it is a story that resonates with many survivors of abuse. Please pass it, and this message along. Nobody deserves to feel unsafe in their own home or in their work environment.